5 months

Today was the 5th month anniversay of the day we lost our Zachary. I am so afraid of forgetting the special things about him--his personality, his laugh, his smile. There are so many people that I care about who never got to meet him. So I thought I'd share a few special things about Zachary.

Zachary loved to give hugs. If you picked him up, he would often put his arms around your neck and give you a hug. Even when he was really young--like 5 or 6 months old. He also really loved to play with your hair. I loved to feel his little fingers running through my hair when he gave me one of his special hugs.

I hope Timari will forgive me for posting this--it was the best example I had of his "hugs".

Zachary was almost always happy. Really. He was the happiest baby we ever had. He had a smile on his face from the moment he woke up in the morning, until he went to bed at night. (Although I got to witness a couple of "tantrums" after he turned one--for the most part he was just happy to be here.)

Zach was so easy. He just went with the flow. Since he was the youngest of five kids, I had to cart him around a lot. He never seemed to mind our lack of schedule. He slept on the go, ate on the go, and was always interested in his surroundings. If I had to wake him up early from a nap, it was fine with him--sometimes he would just fall back asleep in his car seat or stroller.

Zachary loved walking. He was so proud of himself when he learned how to walk. He just walked around from room to room with the biggest smile on his face. He thought he was pretty cool. Once he learned to walk, he never reverted back to crawling, no matter how many times he fell--and he fell a lot. I was a little sad that I missed his first steps, but was so grateful that he shared them with two people who loved him so much--his aunt Rachel and uncle Ben.

Zachary loved to be outside. He loved to feel the wind in his face. Last summer, we spent a week camping on the beach. Zach was so happy most of the time, to just sit in his stroller and enjoy the ocean breeze. At home, he loved playing in the backyard--especially when someone pushed him in the swing.

I loved how happy the kids were to have him. They literally fought over him. Each one of my children loves and misses this little guy.

It's hard to imagine that 5 months have past since we lost him. In some ways it feels like a lifetime. My life is forever changed with this enormous loss. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that one day I can have him again. I wish that were enough to take away the pain right now. But it gives me hope. I just miss him--today, and every day.